Kintsugi: Mental Health, Embracing Imperfection and Post-Traumatic Growth

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Kintsugi and Personal Growth

Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with gold, a philosophy that teaches us to embrace our imperfections. After a piece is repaired, it becomes more beautiful, reflecting the history of its journey—including how it broke. This ancient tradition illustrates that healing from difficult life events can transform our values, goals, and habits, ultimately leading to personal growth. Following trauma, it’s common for individuals to succumb to depression and feel worse off. However, Kintsugi reminds us that such hardships can also be the catalyst for significant personal growth. This aligns with the concept of post-traumatic growth (PTG), defined by Tedeschi and Calhoun (1996) as positive psychological change resulting from adversity. Their research highlights benefits such as a deeper appreciation of life, strengthened relationships, and enhanced empathy- key components in the journey of mental health recovery.

My Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing

When I started therapy in 2021, I struggled to articulate and process how I felt inside, leaving me feeling mentally exhausted most days. With time, I began to feel comfortable writing short extracts, then paragraphs and eventually poems. Eventually, I wrote a poem titled ‘I’ve been broken into a thousand pieces’, which explored my grief of losing a paternal figure, who I very much relied on emotionally. My grandfather was my best friend and I will never forget when I would call him during times of stress. I’d say “Nana- I don’t know if I can do it, what if I can’t find a job and what if I’m not good enough”? He would always say the same thing with such kindness. “Monica, don’t worry it will all be fine. I have no doubt that you will work it all out”. It’s as if my grandad’s words gave me the self-belief I was so very much lacking. I suppose he really believed in me at a time where I didn’t believe in myself. In hindsight everybody deserves that positive energy as we all have self-doubts in some respect. When he did pass, I felt like I lost my self-belief and with it my drive. I felt, effectively, broken. And trying to figure out how to pick up the pieces and rebuild myself has been a journey of its own.

Therapy and journaling were catalysts in helping me rebuild myself. One of the most important aspects was deepening my understanding and reconstructing my ‘self-concept’, which I will refer to as the perception one has of themselves, including one’s self-esteem and self-image. Dissecting our self-concepts in a safe space is crucial, as our perception profoundly influences our behavior and emotional well-being. Between 2022 and late 2023, after a few months of such inner work, I developed renewed energy, a better self-image, and stronger compassion for myself during low periods. Learning to like myself enabled me to recover more quickly from setbacks. I also discovered a more creative part of myself, who enjoyed drawing, painting, and writing fiction. The period of grief, which I once characterized as “brokenness,” was in fact instrumental in recognising creative, lively parts of myself that were dormant for many years. Effectively, I was piecing myself back together, creating a version of myself that felt more authentic and fulfilling.

The Kintsugi Experience and Practical Applications

Exploring my negative self-concept was just one aspect of my journey. I liken this experience to Kintsugi, where one inspects the broken pieces of pottery, analyzes the largest fragments, and slowly repairs them so that the pottery is bonded more strongly with gold. It’s important to note that one doesn’t need to experience profound trauma to appreciate this process. Challenges like prolonged burnout in a corporate environment or navigating difficult relationships can also teach us valuable lessons about ourselves and what truly makes us happy.

To facilitate post-traumatic growth, similar to rebuilding broken pottery, psychotherapists may incorporate coping strategies for their clients that highlight the importance of social support, mindfulness, and deep reflection. Goal setting can also be an important practice in therapy to realign values and actions, considering new possibilities in one’s life—effectively promoting a sense of agency and purpose following a difficult experience. I do hope that I can one day help people through such life-changing processes to aid positive growth after traumatic periods.

Conclusion: Embracing Our Scars

In conclusion, we are all on a journey to mend our cracks with gold. Sometimes, we overlook our incredible capacity to rebuild ourselves with a stronger sense of self, direction, and entrenched values. Just as Kintsugi emphasizes the beauty in our scars, we can learn to see our struggles as integral parts of our stories, enhancing our resilience and depth. Embracing the philosophy of Kintsugi empowers us to view our challenges not as setbacks but as opportunities for growth. By acknowledging our wounds and beginning to heal, we can transform our lives into a beautiful tapestry of experiences. Remember, every crack tells a story, and every repair adds to our unique beauty.

If you resonate with this journey of Kintsugi and personal growth, consider sharing your experiences in the comments below. How have you embraced your imperfections? What strategies have helped you in your healing process? I believe that we’re all on a journey to mending cracks with gold, however, it’s easy not to appreciate our amazing capacity to rebuild ourselves. Such as one would look at a piece of pottery they rebuilt with a sense of accomplishment, we should appreciate ourselves as such pieces of art.

Thank you for reading today and I hope to see you soon :)

Kind regards,

M

From Corporate Finance To Healing Others: My Journey to Becoming a Psychotherapist

From a recent mindfullness retreat with a close friend in Tinton, Wales

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Picture a precocious seven-year-old, eyes sparkling with ambition, setting an audacious goal: to become a CEO by 22 and secure a coveted spot on Forbes' '30 under 30' list. Looking back, I can't help but chuckle at the influence of BBC's 'The Apprentice' on my budding capitalist mindset. Yet, nestled within this grandiose dream lies one of my most cherished memories - huddled around the TV with my grandparents and uncle in 2007, our laughter echoing through the room as we watched contestants bumble their way through challenges.

But it was the recurring shot of Canary Wharf that truly captured my imagination. Each time that gleaming tower graced the screen, I'd whisper to myself, "One day, I'll have an office up there - maybe even next door to Lord Sugar!" My young mind soared with visions of success: a sprawling mansion with an obligatory swimming pool, a property portfolio that would make moguls envious, and the pièce de résistance - my very own office atop a skyscraper, offering views that would make even the most seasoned executives weak at the knees. Little did I know then how these childhood fantasies would shape my journey, leading me down unexpected paths and teaching me valuable lessons about success, ambition, and what truly matters in life.

Chasing Dreams and Facing Reality

During my university years, I set my sights on the asset management industry, a popular choice given that 70% of graduates from my university enter the financial sector. The allure was clear: high pay and fewer hours than investment banking. It seemed perfect for building a prosperous life in the vibrant, albeit exorbitantly expensive, London. My plan was straightforward: climb the corporate ladder, expand my network, master the basics of investing, and eventually launch my own real estate investment fund. I even entertained the idea of giving back to society through 'impact investing', aiming to enhance financial returns while creating positive societal outcomes. It all seemed so clear-cut and promising.

However, just four months into my investment-based graduate program, my world was turned upside down. The man who had raised me, my beloved grandfather, passed away. With his death, my vision and motivation to succeed crumbled. The impact was palpable. My colleagues noticed as I withdrew, rarely going into the office, remaining silent in meetings, and frequently keeping my camera off during Team's meetings. I became reclusive, barely leaving my flat. When I did make it to the office, I kept to myself, only interacting with other graduates as a distraction from my lack of passion for the Excel-heavy work.

Interestingly, I found myself drawn to conversations with people, listening intently to their work experiences and how it made them feel. In hindsight, I was craving a more human aspect at work - a genuine connection with people. I felt a sense of fulfillment when someone shared their struggles, perhaps because it felt good to help others, especially at a time where I was struggling with my own demons. One bright spot during this time was the conversations I had with my manager about spirituality and mindfulness. These discussions hinted at a deeper calling that I wasn't yet ready to acknowledge.

A Shift in Perspective

After my graduate job, I pursued an area of finance that I thought would provide a greater sense of purpose. However, this experience only strengthened a realization that had been creeping up on me since my grandfather's passing: I was in the wrong industry. Every project, even those claiming to do 'good' for society or the environment, was ultimately evaluated by an industry driven by client money. The more I delved into it, the more I felt like a fraud, especially when championing 'ESG' (Environmental, Social, and Governance) initiatives. On a personal level, I faced constant micromanagement and belittlement from a colleague, further eroding my already dwindling morale. The work itself rarely stimulated me intellectually. The final straw came during my three-month probation feedback, where I was presented with two A4 pages listing all my supposed mistakes since day one - some of which hadn't even occurred. Given all my effort and long hours, I was understandably furious.

During this tumultuous time, I was rebuilding my relationship with my mother, who had been absent for much of my childhood due to mental health issues. Our weekend visits, filled with long conversations over wine and reality shows, became an unexpected source of clarity. After sharing my job difficulties with her, she made a profound observation: "Monica, you've missed your calling, I think." She recounted how her boyfriend had called me a 'little therapist', noting how easy it was to open up to me about deeply personal matters. This conversation coincided with my own experience in psychotherapy, which I started shortly after Nana's passing. I witnessed firsthand the powerful healing potential of talking therapies for depression and anxiety. My mother's words from a WhatsApp voice note resonate deeply: "You would be a brilliant psychotherapist. I mean... you would have so many clients you wouldn't know what to do with them!"

Embracing a New Path Amidst Loss

After this realization, I felt a fire ignite in my core. It was a moment of clarity, a realization that perhaps my true calling lay not in the world of finance, but in the realm of helping others heal and grow. This epiphany marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life, one filled with purpose and aligned with my innate desire to connect with and support others. My plan was to go back to studying, and my mum kindly offered to support me through this huge career shift.

In May 2024, just a month before I was meant to move in with her, she tragically chose to take her own life. Since then, my journey has been challenging, marked by a need for deep rest, calm, and time to process this profound loss. Yet, amidst the healing, I've discovered a growing passion for understanding how psychotherapy can help individuals realize their full potential. This passion, fueled by personal experiences, study, and learning from others' journeys, is the foundation of this website.

Sharing My Journey and Insights

Here, I aim to document my journey and share thought-pieces, concepts, and personal experiences. I will explore intriguing studies and, perhaps one day, provide valuable mental health resources. My hope is that even if just one person learns something important, gains a new perspective, or feels inspired to implement positive strategies in their own life, it will be motivation enough to continue. Throughout my life, I've often wished for someone who could relate to my struggles and empathize with my genuine thoughts. We all deserve that connection. I hope readers find solace and understanding here as they navigate life's most difficult obstacles.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I look forward to connecting with you through this journey. Please do feel free to share your thoughts, stories, or comments below, if you would like to. Alternatively, you can e-mail me at monica@themindfulstar.com .

Warm regards and I hope to see you soon,

M.

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